Look For The Positive

Look For The Positive

Three weeks in the past, I had a automotive accident.   No different automobiles have been concerned although so I principally simply had an accident with myself.  This could come as no shock to anybody. I’m a one lady present.  I don’t even want one other automotive to have a automotive accident! I’m excellent at enjoying all roles.  I might be each the sufferer and the perpetrator in my very own life.  How about that?!  It’s rather a lot like shoveling gallons of ice cream down your throat after which complaining as a result of you possibly can’t slot in a chair.  You have been the instigator of your personal demise.  I might actually rob myself blind and nonetheless marvel who did it?!

Typically issues occur.  You swerve to overlook a canine or a deer.  Or no matter occurs occurs.  You find yourself operating off the street right into a guard rail and ditch.  Now you’d have thought this solely may need broken my bumper however evidently not.  Like I stated.  I DO IT UP RIGHT!!

For Three weeks I’ve had this rental automotive that USAA gave me and the store has been fixing my van.  Yesterday it was lastly prepared however once I arrived to get it, there have been two lights on that had by no means been on earlier than.  They have been like, “Oh yeah that has nothing to do with the accident though. It’s not related”

Okay right here’s the factor.  These lights have been NOT on earlier than.  My automotive is older (2009) and I gained’t lie it’s type of a scattered mess on the within as a result of we’re like house-car individuals.  We have a tendency to go away a number of stuff in there.  It’s not all the time as clear correctly.  BUT one factor I all the time do is maintain the upkeep on my automotive up.  ALWAYS.  I can’t afford to not.  I don’t want my automotive all of a sudden having one thing break or blow up as a result of I didn’t keep it.    In reality a mere 6 months in the past I put about 800 dollars of labor into the van not as a result of something was incorrect however simply because it was upkeep of issues that would probably go incorrect.

I’m all about waving off issues that would probably go flawed.   I’m a worrier by nature.  That’s what we do.  Think about what can go mistaken and attempt to hold it from occurring earlier than it does.

It doesn’t often work.  Enter hassle stage left.

So I decide up my automotive they usually’re like…”Yeah so these lights aren’t associated to the accident in order that isn’t actually our drawback”.  And I’m like “hmmm….those lights weren’t on before?”…they usually’re like….”Properly that isn’t our situation” so I’m wondering what I’m going to do about that.  I ought to NOT have left with my automotive.  That I now know.  However I did.

I used to be like…”Nicely I’ll determine that out later”.   Phrases that ought to NEVER be stated!! You must by no means work out later what must be found out now.   That’s just like the time I weighed 259 kilos and determined I’d cope with it later.  Solely when later obtained there I used to be 417 kilos and had a a lot greater drawback.   Later is what occurs if you let go of at this time.  Oh how I’m beginning to actually not like…LATER!

So I’m going to select up my youngsters from faculty and whereas I’m sitting within the parking zone ready—bizarre noises start to emit from the hood and smoke begins popping out.  The noises truly seemed like drum rolls.  I even thought at first it was the band training after faculty.  Then I noticed…these drum rolls are just a little too near my ears.


Actually I begin having a big meltdown as a result of I’m like….


Instantly I’m going straight right into a nosedive of nonstop destructive “life isn’t fair…crap always has to happen to me” statements.  It was a number of enjoyable.  You need to be glad you missed it.   However actually it’s been nonstop for me it looks like the previous few years.  Perhaps it’s truly nonstop for everybody and what I feel is uncommon is basically simply life.  I’m about to start out considering that.

So now what do I do? I waited for the youngsters to get out of faculty and we tried to name an Uber.  However guess what? My telephone died. And that app with my account information is on that telephone.  So I exploit my son’s telephone to name a cab. And guess what? It’s BUSY.  They put me on maintain for 10 minutes after which my son’s telephone died.  As a result of why? BECAUSE THIS IS MY LIFE!!!!

After which we needed to stroll house.  It’s 2.5 miles.  It’s ONLY 2.5 miles.  However I haven’t been strolling even that far outdoors in a very long time.  I’ve, nevertheless, just lately been strolling 2-Three miles with the Leslie Sansone movies THANK GOD!!  So I made it.  And it was not that massive of a deal.  Besides in fact when about Three/four of a mile away from the home I VERY SUDDENLY needed to pee.  And I do imply very abruptly.

This can be a new factor with me.  I had this drawback on a regular basis once I was over 400 kilos.  Weak bladders are a traditional occurence once you’re obese.  However I haven’t had this difficulty anymore since I misplaced weight.  I’m unsure if I’m simply getting previous or if the load achieve is making this occur.  However I’ve reached this level recently the place actually at 2:00 pm I may need no want to pee by any means.  And at 2:01 I should pee so dangerous that you simply higher get out of my approach and quick!  So there we’re Three/four of the best way residence taking a shortcut by way of a church parking zone that backs as much as my neighborhod and all of a sudden I’ve to pee. I advised the youngsters.  That is it. I’m going to pee proper right here as a result of I gained’t have the ability to management it.  They usually’re …”Oh my gosh Mother!! You possibly can’t pee within the church parking zone?!”

Would we get struck by lightning. I’m unsure.   Is “Thou Shalt Not Pee Here” the 13th commandment.  However I understand how they really feel.  It’s not like I relish within the concept of peeing myself in public.  Particularly not in a random church parking zone.  However when the bladder permits you to permits you to down.  Fortunately I managed to tug it collectively and one way or the other we made it again.  However right here we’re nonetheless with out my van!

I referred to as USAA and they’re towing it again to the identical place.  These individuals swear up and down that what is occurring now has no relation to the accident and nothing to do with it.  I’m praying that it isn’t one thing horrid.  That my entire engine isn’t blown.  And that no matter is flawed WILL be coated by insurance coverage.  I simply paid my 500 deductible to get it out yesterday and doing that proper earlier than Christmas didn’t assist.  The proven fact that they’re making an attempt to inform me that I’ll now even be paying out of pocket for no matter else is mistaken is just not making me really feel much less anxious.  Hopefully USAA won’t agree.  The final thing I want is to pay my deductible after which nonetheless be advised I’ve to pay for my very own repairs that have been supposedly not brought on by the accident although my van was completely effective proper earlier than it.

What does this need to do with weight reduction??? Not rather a lot.  Besides that anytime I get depressed or anxious, ice cream involves thoughts.  Amazingly I’ve not pulled the set off on that.  Actually I ended up strolling 2 miles outdoors BY SHEER FORCE and it felt fairly darn good.  A number of constructive issues could be taken from this.

I used to be ABLE to stroll house. Up to now if I couldn’t get a cab and my telephone was lifeless making me unable to name anybody for a experience…I nonetheless wouldn’t have been capable of stroll house.  Bodily I couldn’t have achieved it.  I’m unsure what I might have executed.  Stayed within the automotive till I figured one thing out? I don’t know.  However it will not have been as straightforward as saying “Well we will just walk”.

However the fact is…I DO know what I might have completed.  I must ship my youngsters house on their very own whereas I waited behind.   Whereas I waited to be rescued.   As a result of I couldn’t rescue myself.

It shouldn’t be that means.  Having to ship them whereas I wait behind. And that’s what would have occurred.  They might have needed to go house and name me a cab (requesting a VAN cab so I might match) after which ship it to the situation I used to be at.  I might have waited alone in my automotive with my lifeless telephone hoping everybody was okay however not figuring out.

The incontrovertible fact that I can now say “Let’s Walk!”  so nonchalantly is admittedly large.  It’s one more reason why this journey is so essential.  Not as a result of it permits me to purchase cuter garments.  However as a result of it permits me to deal with spontaneous life points  in a a lot simpler means.  One thing that would have was a a lot greater drawback was not as a result of I used to be bodily capable of stroll house.

I used to be capable of get again into the very same rental automotive as a result of they hadn’t even closed out my ticket.  And it’s a small Nissan Sentra.  Once more this can be a automotive I might NOT have pushed if not for the load loss. I might had needed to pay out of my pocket for the larger automotive.   In previous years once I wanted a rental automotive I did have to do that.  A few years in the past earlier than I misplaced weight, my Suburban died.  And I imply DIED….as in complete funeral.  I used to be unable to get a rental of ANY KIND for every week as a result of that they had none out there large enough for me.  The incontrovertible fact that I can match into any automotive (even when it’s a little bit of a cram) is one other factor that is very easy to push apart with out considering.  However it’s a really very massive deal and one other constructive aspect impact to shedding weight.

Life doesn’t all the time go the best way we would like it to.   For Three weeks I used to be with out my van.  I lastly received it again and I assumed the drama was over. Drawback solved.  However a mere hour later it was smoking and damaged down once more.  I suppose that’s so much like life.  Typically you assume you’ve obtained an issue licked.  That you simply handled it.  It even SHOULD be licked.  I imply you waited. You have been affected person.  You probably did all the fitting issues.  Even shelled out the money! However right here you’re proper again the place you began.  And perhaps even worse off.  I imply initially it was only a drawback with the bumper.  Now my automotive is making horrible noises and smoke is rising.  We went from the frying pan into the hearth.

Weight achieve may be like that.  You go on a eating regimen and also you lose 20 kilos.  You assume you’ve acquired it underneath management after which one thing occurs.  You achieve all of it again plus you add 20 extra.  Now as an alternative of getting a solved drawback you’ve acquired one greater than whenever you began.   Typically you marvel…why did I even attempt?!

At this time I really feel an odd mixture of negatives and positives.  I’m utterly fearful about my van.  If I get advised it’s toast I’m going to type of lose it.  In the event that they attempt to pin an enormous greenback invoice of repairs on me and say it has nothing to do with the accident when it clearly does—I’d actually cut up personalities.  Nicely cut up those which might be already cut up that’s…and I’ve a large enough group in there already ya know?? They don’t want new associates!

However on the similar time, I’m utilizing this chance to belief God and have religion that no matter comes my approach He’ll assist me by means of it.

For fairly awhile now I’ve been letting life get me down.  I’ve not been actively placing my religion in God to assist me by means of issues.  I’ve as an alternative been working additional time on the assumption that I’m a punching bag for all times and that no matter I contact turns to @[email protected]%%#@   When one thing dangerous occurs (which it appears to do quite a bit these days) I’m not even stunned.  I’m like “Yep of course that happened!”  I’m starting to truly anticipate it to occur.   In my thoughts, it actually looks like that is now the best way it’s simply going to go.  And nothing I do will change that.

Whether or not that’s true or not, it doesn’t assist me to consider it.  Perhaps I’m proper.  Perhaps nothing will work out.  Perhaps that is just the start of one other lengthy catastrophe in my life.  Perhaps by subsequent week I’ll haven’t any car in any respect and I’ll have to purchase a bus cross.  Who is aware of.  However what I consider about life is actually as much as me.  It might not have any impact on the result.  However it’s going to no less than affect how I’m feeling whereas I’m ready round for the subsequent dangerous factor to occur!! Perhaps I can’t keep away from it however a minimum of I can attempt to have the in between time crammed with hope as an alternative of despair!  That’s the theme of this season isn’t it?!

 I can take a troublesome state of affairs and make it worse by heaping unfavorable considering on prime of it.  I can proceed to voice all these ideas about how forces are in all probability out to get me and it’s only a matter of time earlier than they lastly win OR I might begin counting what’s constructive about even probably the most adverse issues.  I used to make a behavior out of this however like all my GOOD habits….that one additionally appears to have fallen by the wayside.  Time to make an effort with that one once more as properly.  If I’ve to drive myself to assume positively for 30 seconds a day then that’s what I’ll do.

So right here’s what’s constructive:

Positive my automotive broke down 5 seconds after they stated it was fastened.  Positive it began making noise and smoking within the faculty parking zone BUT you recognize what? I used to be AT THE SCHOOL when it occurred.  I might have been on the aspect of 1604 in visitors.  That occurred to me with the Suburban as soon as.  I might have been in the midst of actually no the place.  That’s occurred to me too!  Nevertheless it didn’t.   The automotive waited till I used to be parked within the parking zone.  How type of it…sure?

My telephone died and I couldn’t name an uber.  Yellow cab put me on maintain so lengthy it was a no go.  However I walked 2.5 miles yesterday OUTSIDE! One thing I couldn’t discover the motivation to do alone.  One thing I had began to consider that I couldn’t even do anymore.  And you understand what? It wasn’t even that dangerous.  I’m not as out of form as I assumed I used to be.   And now once I get up tomorrow, I can’t inform myself that 2.5 miles even outdoors with the loopy terrain is unimaginable.  In addition to, I reside in a suburban neighborhood not the jungle.   What terrain is my thoughts telling me is on the market?!  Whenever you’re stranded you’ll be able to all of a sudden do all types of belongings you couldn’t do earlier than!! I by no means would have accomplished that as a result of I’ve been content material to stay with my movies  (and that’s okay too) BUT yesterday I did it.  And a mere Three weeks in the past I couldn’t even peel my rear finish off the chair.  In order that’s progress.  I additionally walked these 2.5 miles with my youngsters.  They may have a narrative to inform for positive concerning the time Mother virtually peed herself within the church parking zone . I’m unsure that is mostly a constructive however it made them snicker so why not?

It didn’t rain whereas we have been strolling house.  It wasn’t tremendous scorching.   The climate was good.  SCORE!  All positives.  USAA answered the telephone regardless that it was after 5 pm they usually set me up in the identical rental automotive immediately and informed me to not fear an excessive amount of for now as a result of issues like this DO occur.  In order that was good.  I’ve insurance coverage! One other constructive.  I might be coping with all of this completely alone utterly.  At the least that isn’t the case.

And if you wish to actually get right down to the nitty gritty—I’ve a automotive.  Some individuals don’t.  The undeniable fact that I’ve a automotive that must be repaired (even whether it is out of my very own pocket) is in truth nonetheless a blessing.  As a result of some individuals don’t have a automotive in any respect.  Or a house.  Or a household of any sort.  So perhaps it’s time to cease complaining a lot, Holly!

I don’t know what the longer term will deliver.  I solely know what I have to convey to it.  And I would like desperately to deliver to it a mindset that claims tomorrow CAN be an enchancment over at the moment.    Even the willingness to attempt to see it that means is the truth is a blessing. And it’s one I would like extra of!!

Joyful Saturday 🙂

PS.  I left scripting this weblog to go to Walgreens and get a lightbulb for my lamp.   Picked the lightbulbs off the shelf and one fell out the underside and shattered instantly.  I discover that ironic contemplating the theme of this submit.  Typically you simply should giggle

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