Friday Update and Reality Check


As I discussed to you earlier than, I’ve a good friend (Kiera) who sends me snippets of my very own writing daily.  She began studying my weblog perhaps from the beginning.  I’m not precisely positive.  However each time I went silent the primary time she started to put in writing me daily.  That is again once I had moved to Virginia.  Even once I didn’t reply, she’d nonetheless throw considered one of my very own quotes at me.  And she or he nonetheless has continued on with the mission to remind me who I’m as soon as once more.  I don’t envy her actually.  It’s virtually a thankless job what she’s doing.  What number of occasions I’ve not written again or responded? Trapped in my very own melancholy over what seems like a dropping battle with my weight.  Nonetheless her dedication is spectacular and greater than that it’d even be heaven despatched.  As a result of slowly it’s seeping into this cussed mindset that tells me I simply can’t ever flip it round.

Most days I really feel pretty unmotivated and despondent however I’ll nonetheless learn the quote.  Typically just a little sideways and simply barely…however I’ll nonetheless learn it.  However this previous week or so I’ve had an actual get up name.  I actually can barely zip up my denims.  BARELY. And I completely REFUSE to maintain going larger.  So I put on them and suffocate.  My abdomen pours excessive of my denims and begs for air!!!   However I merely refuse to permit myself to go elastic.  I have to really feel the ache maybe.  The uncomfortable feeling. As a result of it’s going to solely get even worse from right here if I don’t get a grip.


One of many current quotes she despatched me was this:

“So get up right away.  Don’t even give yourself time to think about it.  If you can, go for a walk.  Or do some form of exercise.   I can tell you that I was at my most successful when I had my walking shoes and clothes laying right by the bed the night before.  I had my phone charged and my earbuds right next to them.  I was up and out the door regardless of how I felt.  This was not easy especially in the beginning because just getting out of the bed was in and of itself a physical chore.  Try propping yourself up at 417 pounds when your arms and legs have been immobile all night.  Everything is swollen.  And you have little strength in your arms to get the job done. Just getting into the “sitting up” place could be a exercise.  However no matter stage you’re at—begin shifting!!  It’s actually probably the greatest issues you are able to do.  Belief me—all the issues and fears you are feeling  you must mull over from that pillow are greater than able to being mulled over  as you’re strolling.  Plus no less than you’ll know you completed one thing constructive.”–Early Morning Nervousness and Dread

That final line is what stopped me in my tracks.

All the issues and fears you are feeling you must mull over from that pillow are greater than able to being mulled over as you’re strolling

I imply I do know intellectually that I truly wrote that sentence.  However the individual I’m in the present day…proper now on this second…doesn’t reside her life that method.  In truth as I used to be studying this former quote from me I used to be considering…yeah yeah…I do know placing out my strolling footwear and garments prematurely is a good suggestion…yep yep…I do know I ought to rise up and train very first thing like I used to…however what nonetheless prevails in my head is…


I’ve PROBLEMS!!! I’ve worries and anxieties and points that have to be handled FIRST.  Once I can get these issues beneath management….THEN…..AND ONLY THEN….can I’m going for a stroll?  As a result of I completely can’t go till the whole lot is ok.  I can’t go whereas I’m apprehensive about payments.  And I can’t go whereas I’m fearful about points with my youngsters.  And I merely can’t go if one thing may be flawed with the automotive.  I’ve to cope with all of these points FIRST.

Then I can go.

However what sort of sense does that make??? As a result of it makes zero sense.  Completely and utterly ZERO sense.  Is me laying in mattress or on the sofa or simply sitting round worrying about this stuff making any distinction in any respect? NO!  However in my thoughts if I’ve worries and anxieties, I can’t concentrate on a lot else.  And I suppose I really feel like if I can’t give my focus to one thing then why do it.

The reality is that train has been ‘prescribed’ for causes aside from weight reduction or enhancing your bodily well being.  It’s additionally been recognized to enhance melancholy and nervousness.  To launch chemical compounds within the mind that increase your temper.  And it’s even been recognized that will help you assume extra clearly.  What number of occasions haven’t I heard somebody say that going for a stroll (or for some a run) clears their head?

I’ve written rather a lot on this topic prior to now as a result of I discovered it to be true.  But it’s one of many first issues I most simply overlook when the amnesia cloud takes over my mind.  We’ve sure beliefs which might be deeply programmed inside us and even when they’re completely false we are likely to consider them anyway.   Typically we don’t even understand we’re falling for a lie.  We don’t query it or problem it.  Like my daughter saying “Mom it’s raining” and me grabbing an umbrella earlier than strolling outdoors.  I don’t say to her…”Oh actually?? It’s raining?? Properly we’ll simply see about that!!” whereas operating to the window to ensure she’s telling me the reality.  I simply consider her.  If she advised me we gained the lottery I’d in all probability say “Show me the ticket”.  However some issues we simply don’t query.

And a number of issues that I already know are false beliefs creep their approach again into my life by means of the backdoor discovering area as soon as once more within the walkways of my thought patterns.  Hiding within the corners and easing their means by way of when a gap arises.

This can be a entire lot of speak isn’t it?  And what we’d like is motion.  Or relatively what I want is motion!!

One of many issues that I do is train English to youngsters who have no idea any English.  We don’t do it by talking of their language.  We do it with complete immersion.   However how do you talk to somebody who doesn’t converse your language?? How do you train them the instructions of an task if they will’t perceive you?

You don’t do it by saying “Now we’re going to study starting sounds.  You could have two phrases written on this paper.  It is advisable to sound out the primary letter of every phrase.  Then I would like you to circle the phrase that begins with letter A“.     That is completely ineffective and a waste of time.  If somebody has zero publicity to the English language then they merely don’t have any concept what you’re saying.  As an alternative of filling up time saying a bunch of issues that they don’t perceive, we use a way referred to as TPR.

Complete Bodily Response

With out going into numerous particulars, it principally means you don’t inform them–you present them.  You cease losing time making an attempt to speak a lot verbally and you begin utilizing actions.  You employ your physique.  You progress quite a bit!! You don’t say “circle this“.  You MAKE a circle with your hand.  You physically circle the word yourself.  You don’t say “Alligator starts with the letter A”.  You bodily level to “A” and say “aaah! aaah!” then you definitely bodily level to them.  You cup your hand to your ear and level to them.  Bodily letting them know it’s their flip.  You narrow out all the additional language that nobody understands anyway at that degree (and solely frustrates somebody who can’t perceive you) and you talk within the language you each know.


I level to the image of a woman leaping and I begin leaping.  I level to somebody swimming and I begin shifting my arms like a swimmer.  Now you attempt I say!!! They usually do.  This cuts down on loads of frustration till some primary language could be discovered and constructed upon.  Complete bodily response works and it’s important at first phases.

This jogs my memory of what it has all the time been like for me once I get in a rut.  I’m a thinker.  A talker.  A rationalizer.  I need to analyze every part.  I need to endlessly (and a few of you who lament the lengths of my wordy writing at occasions know this haha)  ramble on about all the explanations WHY I can’t do that or that.  However on the finish of the day, TPR is the reply for this as properly.  Much less speaking and extra motion.  Don’t speak about why you’ll be able to’t go for a stroll and simply go for a stroll.  Perhaps a brief one.  Perhaps simply to the mailbox and again however SOMETHING.


It dawned on me at present that I have to put into motion the identical technique I exploit to show my college students.  Speak much less and do extra.  Regardless of how small it’s.  Motion all the time trumps phrases!

My mother used to all the time inform me…”Holly—Love is a verb”

And it’s true.  Should you love somebody you’ll present it.  Speak is reasonable.  Actions are actual.  And if we’re going to present any degree of affection to ourselves on this journey we’ve to recollect what my Mother all the time stated.  Love is a verb.  You gained’t speak your self into weight reduction.   It’s a must to transfer your self there.

This previous week I’ve completed two issues in a different way.  I’ve been strolling within the mornings.  Not lengthy sufficient or far sufficient to do a lot BUT it IS motion and it’s one thing.  I’ve additionally been writing down what I’m consuming.  I haven’t finished THAT in a very long time.  However I used to be shocked at my weight achieve final week particularly when “I’m not even eating anything bad!!”

So why is that this occurring to me??!

So I made a decision to maintain monitor of it.  Right here have been a couple of issues I logged final week.   There was a Quesarito from Taco Bell (649 energy),  day by day breakfast tacos that I simply kind of ‘forgot’ to incorporate as having something in them,  Peppermint Mocha from Starbucks (440 energy and 54 GRAMS OF SUGAR) and the sausage biscuit from McDonalds (430 energy). I imply significantly?? What the heck, Holly?  How do I significantly go round making decisions like that each day and then critically really feel stunned once I achieve weight?

Denial is thick on this place!!!  Time to get up.


Final time we talked I consider I used to be 285.   At present I’m:


I’m additionally nonetheless sporting the identical nail polish from like 2 months in the past.  Time to get into motion on that one as nicely.

My small quantity of progress this week is usually because of rather less denial and a bit of extra self consciousness.

Hopefully this can be a step in the fitting course, sure?

I depart you with Oliver’s new Christmas outfit.

oliver oliver2

And perhaps that’s the million greenback query for me as nicely?


Is it too late to get shifting once more in the correct course?

I already know the reply.   And it’s NO. It’s not too late.  So long as there’s nonetheless breath in my lungs and one other 24 hours in entrance of me—it’s by no means too late.  The thought patterns that inform me it IS too late are false and must be kicked to the curb.



Have an exquisite weekend and thanks in your encouragement!!

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